Try googling that. I was trying to find a term that reflects how the whole world seems to focus on biology/heredity as preferred. The whole blood is thicker than water thing. I wanted a term that really reflected it, something I could start to put into my lexicon as I discuss it with people, but I can't really find a term. And truth is, as I was googling around, I didn't find that much to go on. There is some discussion about how it occurs when a family is built through adoption. There was more discussion about biological preferences of parents when it comes to stepchildren. Et cetera.
But what I am thinking of is the whole biological bent that human beings tend to demonstrate. Take for instance the grocery store. I must reference Straight Magic here with the brilliant coining of the word: groceryidiots. These are the people who will ask you anything, anything about your child, right in front of said child's face. And most often it has a reference to heredity or biology. I have a son to whom I gave birth (I will not even call him my bio/biological son within this post) and the questions I get about him have been astounding.
"Who does he look like?" (This means me or daddy.) But for real, people, who really cares? Why do you care? Why do you always go there?
"Can I touch him?" After some serious moments of silent shock on my part, I answered this lady: ummm, he's been sick, we're just trying to keep him healthy.
"Are you breastfeeding him?" Are we seriously in Shop-Rite talking about my boobs?
"He is adorable. He looks like his daddy?" What? I'm not a part of the adorability factor, you plainly have observed.
And this guy in a little grocery store, after looking at the very large cranium on my son, I mean he was only two then, maybe, and he has most certainly grown into the head and all, but it was pretty big.....he said to my husband quietly, "Tell me that your poor wife had a C-section. Please." No shit! Hey, I add that one in for a little comic relief because when Pete told me what that guy said I laughed hysterically.
Adopting a kid puts you in a slightly different orbit than the biologically advantaged, it seems. People lose their minds, they can't stop themselves. A friend of mine told me that she was walking into a building in Manhattan and she had her Asian daughter with her and the doorman said, "Hey, wow kid, you hit the jackpot." He said that to a kid. WTF?
I don't even have my daughter home from Ethiopia and I am gearing up. I do not plan to go around kicking any ass, I don't feel like I have to bolster myself up, toughen up, go to kickboxing classes or anything. I feel like I have to put my nerd glasses on and tighten up my microscope and get ready to fire back a few questions, like a scientist.
"What makes you ask?"
"Why do you need to know that?"
"Hmmm (nodding my head)."
"Doesn't that seem private to you?"
"Why would you ask that in front of my kid? Doesn't it concern you how that might affect her?"
Or how about a blank stare?
What is the damn word for people and their wacky obsession with biology and heredity? It's annoying that people who adopt have to bare the brunt of it. I know there's a lot of nice stuff going on out there with people being cool and such, but this is my grumbly post, my mini-rant.
I've kind of gotten a little shtick going here about this topic, but I really do think about it a lot. Because what I have gotten about it is that when people have children biologically, they are looking at that kid and they look for themselves in there. It's really all about me, me, me. I can see myself in this kid. And I have come to think that that focus is really unhealthy. But the whole world is in agreement that it is okay to have this focus, everybody's doing it, especially at Shop-Rite. But I think, that kid, whether or not you gave birth to him, whether or not there is a genetic link to her, is a whole person and who he becomes, how she comes to express herself, is not about me. I'm here to help you become a person and I will try to put my heart into it, but I will not look for myself in you. I will try my best to keep my ego out of it.
H for Harper (and Nellie too!)
2 hours ago
5 comments:
Agreed! We always just smile when people ask who G looks like. My MIL is always showing me pics of G and DH and how much they look alike. LOL.
Okay...so I was laughing at most of this post and then all "awwwww" at the end...but must confess, I would get on the bandwagon of "boo to the groceryidiots" except for this deep and unabiding fear that I too have been/will be a groceryidiot to someone else - for me, this seem inevitable.
Oh and the word for those that suffer from a "wacky obsession with biology and heredity" I use is 'German.' [giggling]
See what I mean?
Commenting GroceryIdiot out!
Whenever I show our boys' pics to someone who knew of our adoption, the first thing they ask is, "Are they brothers?" I am so taken back by that - these are people whom we know - I don't get the focus on biology. I always say, "YES." But what I want to say is "Yes, but what if they weren't biologically related, wouldn't they still be BROTHERS?"
You said it sister! Crazy people and their crazy ass comments. I love your question responses!
This little boy about 9 or so at the park kept looking at us and looking. Then he'd walk by and look at us again. I finally asked him if he was playing on the football team over in the next field because he seemed to be seeking conversation. Finally he asked, "Are you their step-mother or Grandmother?". He was just trying to figure out the situation. I replied, "No, they are my kids". More questioning looks. Hmmmmm. Maybe it will expand his understanding of how people in a family do not always look the same. I'm white, my boys are hispanic, the girls Ethiopian. I get it a lot. Sometimes it's fun to mess with people,esp those you don't know at all.
Post a Comment