Reprieve.

--We had that very premature winter storm over the weekend. Two days BEFORE Halloween! It was the heaviest, wettest snow and many of the trees still have leaves on them because it is actually mid-fall, not winter here. So that snow drug so many trees right down to the ground and across power lines, of course. Many people without electricity, including us. Ours came back. I know, first world problem. Still, I love a bit of grumbling, it was, um, a challenge.

--The heavy wet snow also weighed heavily upon my chickens. We had deer netting across the top of the run to keep out owls and chicken hawks that want to eat my babies. Well, the netting had some leaves on it which I fully intended to blow off, but that stupid storm came upon us so quickly that I only managed to quickly winterize the coop, putting plexiglass (which Manny kept calling "Pepsi glass" *snort*) on the windows, adding roosts, extra straw.....etc. The leaves clinging to the deer net provided a landing and sticking spot for that heavy snow and my entire chicken run collapsed and fell in upon itself. The chickens were stuck inside their coop for two days while we repaired it. Although the chickens are kind of my project, my husband was up there in the mucky mud helping me get them back out. He knew how it was bothering Manny and me, not seeing the chickens outside rooting around, clucking and cooing. I have to put more deer netting back on top, but the chickens are free to roam in the run again. Keep your fingers crossed about the chicken hawks and owls staying away from them in the meantime.

--I got the most beautiful book. It's called Ninety-Five. I really did not pay any attention to the title. The photos were so beautiful and my affinity for farm animals continues to escalate, so I just bought the book. It turns out that the general idea of the book is that one person who eats a vegan diet in a year's time saves the lives of 95 animals in our country. I'm not going vegan although I admire anyone with that kind of determination, but I did have the idea that I would try to swap out some eggs for some local meat and dairy products from farmers who raise their animals ethically and kindly. I like that idea.

--We passed the 23 month mark in our wait. I think it was a make-or-break moment for me. I kind of have had to re-make up my mind about my wait. I was doing fine with it up until around September and then I became tense and rigid and nasty and weird. I had a looooonnnnng talk with my husband yesterday about it, the poor guy, he must have watched me dangling at the end of my tether for quite some time before I was able to articulate anything of sense to him. Part of what is hard about the wait is that it feels difficult, if not impossible, to really plan anything else. You can't buy a house because all of your money is tied up in your adoption. You can't change jobs, you need stability. You can't go to school, you are going to be out of the country *soon* and you know what I mean by *soon.* It can be a bit of a black hole, sucking up every plan, every scrap of patience you have, every morsel of even-headed thinking you've got in there. And if you started out with infertility, your poor heart is a murky spot already, perhaps. I won't even go into my thoughts about baby sister and what her life is like right now, not to mention her birthfamily.

--You get me. It's hard to plan much when you are expecting your referral and travel and embassy appointments and adjusting to a new kid. But I went out on a limb yesterday with my husband because I. just. cannot. take. it. anymore. I must have goals, something else to look forward to, something to reach forward to. So we talked about some goals. Here's my most exciting possibility: I would like a small farm. Manny insists that we already are farmers since we have chickens and I suppose that is true. So, in actuality, I would like a bigger farm. I would like more land and I would like more animals, to include, ducks, goats, sheep, turkeys, and yes, you are reading this right: a cow or two!! If you think I love chickens, wait til you see me around a cow. All animals are lovely, but cows hold a special place in my heart. The most common description of a cow is guileless: genuine, honest, unpretentious. You want to get to know pretentious, meet Waddles, my rooster, the opposite of any cow, most certainly. (During the snowstorm, we spotted him out in the chicken run with the heavy flakes coming down on him, he had herded the flock into the coop and he was angrily clucking and churkling. What a badass he is! I was so proud to see him shaking his claw at the sky, demanding that the heavens heed his word. I am a rooster! Word. is. born.) So, yeah, I am interested in a bigger farm and cows.

--A reprieve. From worry, from wondering. Another plan besides baby sister entering our lives. It's okay to think outside of the box you put yourself in, the waiting box.

all is well

and all will be well

and all manner of things will be well

- Julian of Norwich